Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I'm sorry. Now I've lost the stupid camera power cord.

I know you people don't care, but we are in Phase II of Operation: Deswaddle. Phase I was one arm out. Now it's two arms out. Phase III will be no swaddle at all. That's next week.

I was shocked last night when she went to sleep on her own with both arms out. I thought this was going to be a battle. It took her a few extra minutes to settle down, but it was just intermittent bleats for about ten minutes. Tonight it's more of the same. Oh, and she found her thumb. I went in to wake her up this morning (yes, I had to wake her up), and she was sucking her thumb. This is odd because when she's a wake she tries SO HARD to get that thumb in there and is always poking herself in the eye or punching herself in the forehead instead.

I didn't know it was possible to have a baby easier than Grace.

If the trend continues, I will next give birth to a bean bag.

James is going away for a week pretty soon. Even with the two easiest babies in the entire world, I'm dreading it. Evenings are the hardest time of day; it's when Emmy's naps are the shortest and least reliable, it's when Emmy is the closest to grouchy she ever gets, it's when I have to get dinner together with a needy toddler hanging off my leg, it's when I'm completely worn out and short on patience. Feh.

Well, the first time he went away after Grace was born was nowhere near as hard as I'd expected, so maybe it will be that way this time.

When I was sick a few weeks ago, James was doing pretty much all the household work plus his own work for the last day and a half. He was ready to stay home from a birthday party that weekend, but he needed a break, and all I had was a stupid cold anyway.

I was dreading it. I felt like my limbs were made of hummus, and my face was packed with more of the same. So that night was not looking to be super awesome fun time with two small humans.

But! It was easy. I gave Grace a bath, Emmy stayed pretty content all on her own. Both of them went to bed without a fuss, and I laid in bed the rest of the evening

Really, life with two kids this small is not anywhere near as difficult as I'd imagined. I'm sure there will be another period of adjustment once Emmy gets mobile, but even that will be fine once I adapt.

I'm so scatterbrained and naturally lazy that I pictured a chaos-filled household, miserable children, and an alcoholic me. But it's been very good for me. I've fallen into a schedule of sorts that keeps me moving all morning, keeps the house clean, the kids happy(ish, most of the time), and homemade dinners on the table. I get a 40-minute workout every afternoon (when it's not twelve thousand degrees in here), and then have the rest of the day free to spend with family, or do a little extra picking up, or go for a walk, or whatever.

I'm more worn out by the end of the day, and it's much harder to get out of the house now, but I'd say, on the whole, I'm better off now than I was with just Grace. Having two of them keeps me on my toes, keeps me from lazing around all day. It's nice.

Speaking of working out, DUDE. STILL HAVE NOT LOST WEIGHT. I blame the breastfeeding. For most of the day, I'm not that hungry. For breakfast I'll have oatmeal, yogurt, and a banana, or something like it, and then not be hungry again until one or two. Even if I do get hungry, it doesn't bother me that much. I can wait until I have more time to throw something together.

And then evening comes, and I'm like an animal. I don't even need to be hungry to have this compulsion to eat, eat, eat (but if I am hungry, WATCH OUT).

I crave ice cream like it's the only thing on Earth that will keep me alive. If I can't get ice cream, it's glazed doughnuts. If I can't get glazed doughnuts, I'm pretty miserable for the last, oh, seven hours of the day (which is pretty much every day since I've all but banned such things from our home, knowing what I do to them).

I've never had a sweet tooth except while breastfeeding, so this is not a lifetime of ingrained eating habits. If that were it, I'd be shoveling in bricks of cheese and dill pickles and lettuce (yes, I know, I like weird things). I would very much like to know why healthy alternatives to ice cream are not at all satisfying, not in the least. What did frontier women do while breastfeeding? What do desert nomads do while breastfeeding? Do they all just go stark raving mad? Or do some humans actually eat their young? Why does my body compel me to want ice cream, yet completely reject delicious fruits and frozen yogurt?

I MUST KNOW. I am sick of hauling all this weight around. I feel heavy and tired and gross and BLAAAAGH.

(The good things is that, while my belly looks worse, my legs have not looked this close to fabulous since my sophomore year of college.)

(I will never actually have fabulous legs, because I am genetically predisposed to mutant cellulite awfulness, which started at the ripe old age of 12, when I was in 8th grade and had approximately 4% body fat.)

(Yes, I'm ANGRY.)


  1. So glad to hear someone else is considering mugging random street vendors for ice-cream; I thought I was just having a tremendous bad period with little to no will power.

    The only "vaguely good for you" substitute I have found is really good popcicles - the ones with real juice and fruit in them that cost like $700 for six of them.

  2. Hah! I know of what you speak. I drool a little very time I walk past them in the grocery store.

    Also, I really hate it when funny people comment anonymously so I can't stalk you (assuming you have a blog).

  3. Oh, I was addicted to those popsicles during pregnancy and labor with my first! I'm really curious what your schedule looks like, if you're willing to share. I have my "on" days, where we get time at the park or in the baby pool, etc., but I also get housework done. And I have my lazy days where the house is still a mess by the evening.

  4. Well, everyday life is easy, but anything extra (and I do mean ANYTHING) still throws everything off completely.

    8:00--Get Emmy up and feed her. Play with her for a bit, get a shower.

    9:30--Put Emmy down, get Grace up and get her breakfast (many days this isn't until closer to 10:00). Grace is getting a little better at feeding herself and not freaking out when she gets oatmeal on her hands or face, so now I can throw a load of wash in, rinse some dishes, whatever, while she's eating.

    10:30-11:30 -- Play with Grace/do housework.

    11:30 -- Get Emmy up and feed her.

    12:00 -- Put her on her tummy until she begins to scream, or I've finished getting Grace lunch (this is always finger foods: pasta, cut-up veggies, a torn-up sandwich, whatever). Then Emmy gets a break from the grueling PT for a bit while I hold her for .05 seconds.

    12:45 -- Put Emmy in Bumbo, clean Grace up, set her loose. Wait for Emmy to start screaming.

    1:00 -- Put Emmy somewhere safe, put Grace down for her nap, put Emmy down for her nap.

    Somewhere between 1:00 and 3:00 I try to get 40 min on the elliptical, and/or do dinner prep, and/or housework that can't be done with Grace underfoot. Sometimes I do absolutely nothing, which feels great, but I always regret it.

    3:00 -- Get Emmy up and fed, torture her some more during tummy time.

    4:00 -- Get Grace up and hang out with the two of them for a while. This mostly consists of me teaching Grace not to poke Emmy's eyes out while she is proudly pointing out all the body parts she knows the names of.

    4:30 -- Put Emmy down. Do housework/play with Grace until Jeremy gets home.

    5:15ish -- J gets home, I sprawl on bed or couch while Grace attacks him. Sometime before 6:30 I finish dinner.

    6:30 -- Snarf down as much food as I can in six bites, then go feed Emmy.

    7:30 -- Come back downstairs, giggle hysterically at my insane child who is always the happiest and most loony in the hour before bed.

    8:15 (this depends on who Grace wants to put her down, but it's usually me) -- Sing to and cuddle with Grace in her room for about 10-15 minutes. She rarely goes to sleep right away, which is why I don't get her up until 9:30am. She has a cloth book and a couple soft animals in her bed to play with that won't keep her awake when she does get sleepy.

    8:30 -- Feed Emmy. Try not to let her sleep on me for too long, but it's very hard to disturb her; babies are sweetest when they're sleeping.

    9:00/9:30ish -- Change Emmy and put her to bed.

    1:00 (because I'm a moron) -- Go to bed. Try not to murder J in his sleep every time he twitches and wakes me JUST as I was falling asleep.