By this point, you should all know that I don't handle sleep deprivation well. I don't usually get quite enough sleep, but I'm pretty functional and fairly happy so long as I get 6 and a half hours or more.
Well.
These last, oh, two weeks have been a spiraling maelstrom of suck.
Emmy is sick. Again. She coughs at night. She cries in her sleep. She has dirty diapers (these must get changed pronto, or she's bleeding by morning, even with the Vaseline slathered on like icing).
So there was that. For a bit.
Then on Thursday they both went on a nap strike, which was super fun. I wanted to gouge my ears out because I was also trying to get the apartment ready for friends to come over.
And then! The best part! Yesterday afternoon Grace refused to nap. She SCREAMED. For two hours. I did not know what to do--give in, let Emmy sleep, and send Grace the message loud and clear that she could get out of naptime just by screaming? Let her scream and traumatize an already sick Emmy?
So I cried for half an hour in the shower. That was fun.
She pulled the same stunt last night. Jeremy and I could not figure out what was wrong. She wouldn't tell us. I tried "monster spray." I tried telling her that her stuffed animals and blankets would protect her. And just in case she was scared for Emmy, I told her they would protect Emmy, too. I told her EMMY would protect her. I told her God would protect her. Nothing worked. The door shut, she started screaming.
FINALLY! I caught her glancing at a corner of her room, where there was a new shadow. A scary shadow. Even I thought it looked a little ominous. You see, I'd cleared out their changing table, so light shone through the bars in it instead of getting blocked by stacks of clothes. And there, on the wall, was this looming set of black and white teeth. Poor kid.
I fixed the problem, she said, "Shadow's gone!" while pointing at the ceiling, and I patted myself mightily on the back while walking out the door.
SCREEEEEEAAAAAAM.
OHMYGOSH.
At that point, I was ready to throw her through a window. There comes a point where all sympathy withers and turns to dust, and my heart turns more toward the IRE end of the spectrum. I sometimes wonder why I was allowed to have kids. I am very short on empathy in such situations. Especially when I'm running on like four hours of sleep a night for the last week and a half.
So I gave up. I lay down on the floor next to her crib because I couldn't think of anything else to do. And as I lay there, I kept thinking about all those parents who get sucked into these traps, and before they know it, the kid is five, and they still haven't slept in the same bed with their spouse in years (the silver lining is that there are no more children to appease). I know this is stupid, but I'm very fond of trotting out the worst-case scenarios whenever I'm pondering a problem. The adrenaline keeps me young.
Then! A brilliant idea! And folks, I am SO proud of myself for this one because I thought of it ALL ON MY OWN.
Every couple of minutes, I slid a little closer to the door. Soon, I was in their doorway. I sat up so Grace could still see me. Then I started shutting the door a little bit every couple of minutes. Soon, the door was shut. Every five minutes, she'd call out, "Mama?" and I'd say, "I'm right here," and eventually she fell asleep. It took a long time. And she woke up a lot last night (to be fair, once was because her water cup was empty and once was because she had soaked through her diaper). But we did an abbreviated version for naptime today, and she actually slept a little bit. And even though she didn't sleep the full three hours, she did remain happy and calm in there. And tonight, I shut the door from the start and told her I would be right on the other side. Not a peep. I'm still sitting right outside her door, just to be sure, but I think she may be okay.
I still expect to wake up a lot tonight, but hopefully it will get better over time.
My MIL comes for another visit this evening. The apartment is a total mess. One of the bathrooms hasn't been cleaned in a week, and the living room is covered in toys. It's depressing. But I'm stuck outside this stupid bedroom door, just to be completely sure she's okay in there (because once that screaming starts, it just ruins everything).
I'm so exhausted I can barely see straight. I told Jeremy that if I didn't get enough sleep tonight, we were going to switch. I don't care if he has to work in the morning. I will turn homicidal if this doesn't stop soon.
So, we'll see. Watch the Utah news.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sleep is for people who like to be happy
I! Have! Been! Sleeping! A! Lot!
The night of my birthday, I popped a Unisom and went to bed around ten or eleven. Wonderful little Emmy woke up an hour early, or I would have gotten nine or ten hours of sleep.
She finally figured out how to get herself unstuck from a standing position. So she has been sleeping and napping like a decent, civilized baby the last two days. And not a moment too soon. I was thisclose to selling her (now she just needs to stop teething for five seconds, and she may survive to adulthood).
Sweet baby. I can't wait until you're old enough for hill people milk.
Anyway, oops! I forgot that a whole Unisom makes me utterly useless for the next fourteen or fifteen hours. I spent the morning after my birthday lolling about on the floor, couch, bed, using my body as a barrier across the more dangerous parts of the house and hoping that day wasn't the day Emmy learned to jump. Or fly.
Since then, I've taken half of one every single night around 8. I've gotten seven or more hours of sleep each night for the last week, and I feel FABULOUS. Like, this afternoon, I have so much energy that all I could do for the last hour was lie on the bed and wait for the twitching to stop. That might have been the third cup of coffee, though. I keep forgetting I don't need this much to function anymore.
House stuff is... coming along. Kind of. Ish.
We hauled a bunch of boxes over to our storage unit. Next step is getting rid of any furniture or items we can bear to part with. We have a toaster oven, a table, a bunch of chairs, and a microwave cart/cupboard that are much loved but no longer needed. The house already feels about half a room bigger, and I'm just getting started.
(Did I tell you about the Amish-made oak dining set my MIL passed on to us when she moved? It's the nicest thing I've ever owned, except for maybe my piano. I'm a little afraid of it. It's too nice for people like us.)
Still working on the peeling paint in the dining room. The trouble with this stuff is that it's hard to tell what paint is loose and what should just be left alone. Yes, we could just make a quick job of it, slap some paint on where it's peeling, and it would be good for a few months. But that seems so dishonest. With our accidentally pink walls, I'm sure any new owners would want to repaint.
Do you know how maddening it is to paint an entire room and then find out the people who painted before you did an awful job? No? Well, we do! And it's crazymaking. Especially when your baby is due in three weeks, and half the paint in the nursery has decided to strip itself off all the way down to the bare plaster.
Speaking of which, I should go work on that some more. If I do a little bit every day, I suppose it will eventually get done. When working on huge projects that are made up of many smaller projects, it helps me to develop tunnel vision. I have to trick myself. Telling myself I'm doing it for people I love doesn't work. Tell myself how happy I'll be once it's done doesn't work. No, the only think that really works is constantly lying to myself and pretending I only have three total minutes of work that needs to be done. It's like getting a toddler to pick up ALL the toys. For pretty much every household duty I ever do. My internal monologue for cleaning the messy kitchen after I've cooked dinner.
Okay, Naomi. Let's empty the drainboard! Okay? Now remember, you can quit anytime you want to! Just put a couple dishes away for now. Okay, goooood! Good girl! Yes, keep going! Gooood! Okay, now, fill up the sink with some hot water and put some soap in. All right, put some dishes in to soak. If you don't feel like washing them, we can just come back later, okay? All right. Now, while they're soaking, let's wipe up the counters. Good! Oh, look! The floor could use some sweeping. Let's just do that real quick. Excellent work! High five! Good! Oh, I bet those dishes have just about soaked themselves clean. Okay, great. Let's just wipe off the plates. Yes, anytime. You can quit anytime. You don't have to wash the dishes. Just walk away if you feel like it. Oh! Hey! The plates are done! And so are the bowls. Good. Now the silverware, and we're all done. How 'bout that? Yaaay! Good girl!
I so wish I were joking.
The night of my birthday, I popped a Unisom and went to bed around ten or eleven. Wonderful little Emmy woke up an hour early, or I would have gotten nine or ten hours of sleep.
She finally figured out how to get herself unstuck from a standing position. So she has been sleeping and napping like a decent, civilized baby the last two days. And not a moment too soon. I was thisclose to selling her (now she just needs to stop teething for five seconds, and she may survive to adulthood).
Sweet baby. I can't wait until you're old enough for hill people milk.
Anyway, oops! I forgot that a whole Unisom makes me utterly useless for the next fourteen or fifteen hours. I spent the morning after my birthday lolling about on the floor, couch, bed, using my body as a barrier across the more dangerous parts of the house and hoping that day wasn't the day Emmy learned to jump. Or fly.
Since then, I've taken half of one every single night around 8. I've gotten seven or more hours of sleep each night for the last week, and I feel FABULOUS. Like, this afternoon, I have so much energy that all I could do for the last hour was lie on the bed and wait for the twitching to stop. That might have been the third cup of coffee, though. I keep forgetting I don't need this much to function anymore.
House stuff is... coming along. Kind of. Ish.
We hauled a bunch of boxes over to our storage unit. Next step is getting rid of any furniture or items we can bear to part with. We have a toaster oven, a table, a bunch of chairs, and a microwave cart/cupboard that are much loved but no longer needed. The house already feels about half a room bigger, and I'm just getting started.
(Did I tell you about the Amish-made oak dining set my MIL passed on to us when she moved? It's the nicest thing I've ever owned, except for maybe my piano. I'm a little afraid of it. It's too nice for people like us.)
Still working on the peeling paint in the dining room. The trouble with this stuff is that it's hard to tell what paint is loose and what should just be left alone. Yes, we could just make a quick job of it, slap some paint on where it's peeling, and it would be good for a few months. But that seems so dishonest. With our accidentally pink walls, I'm sure any new owners would want to repaint.
Do you know how maddening it is to paint an entire room and then find out the people who painted before you did an awful job? No? Well, we do! And it's crazymaking. Especially when your baby is due in three weeks, and half the paint in the nursery has decided to strip itself off all the way down to the bare plaster.
Speaking of which, I should go work on that some more. If I do a little bit every day, I suppose it will eventually get done. When working on huge projects that are made up of many smaller projects, it helps me to develop tunnel vision. I have to trick myself. Telling myself I'm doing it for people I love doesn't work. Tell myself how happy I'll be once it's done doesn't work. No, the only think that really works is constantly lying to myself and pretending I only have three total minutes of work that needs to be done. It's like getting a toddler to pick up ALL the toys. For pretty much every household duty I ever do. My internal monologue for cleaning the messy kitchen after I've cooked dinner.
Okay, Naomi. Let's empty the drainboard! Okay? Now remember, you can quit anytime you want to! Just put a couple dishes away for now. Okay, goooood! Good girl! Yes, keep going! Gooood! Okay, now, fill up the sink with some hot water and put some soap in. All right, put some dishes in to soak. If you don't feel like washing them, we can just come back later, okay? All right. Now, while they're soaking, let's wipe up the counters. Good! Oh, look! The floor could use some sweeping. Let's just do that real quick. Excellent work! High five! Good! Oh, I bet those dishes have just about soaked themselves clean. Okay, great. Let's just wipe off the plates. Yes, anytime. You can quit anytime. You don't have to wash the dishes. Just walk away if you feel like it. Oh! Hey! The plates are done! And so are the bowls. Good. Now the silverware, and we're all done. How 'bout that? Yaaay! Good girl!
I so wish I were joking.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I am feeling curmudgeonly
I had some tea last night. Big ol' cup. That means three tea bags. The first one said, "THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT." Okay. I mean, I bought a product; I didn't donate, but if it makes you feel good, you can go ahead and think I'm supporting you.
The second one said, "YOUR CHOICES WILL CHANGE THE WORLD." Is that supposed to make me feel fuzzy inside? Everyone's choices change the world. I want to see tea bags that say, "BIRDS SIT IN TREES," and, "THIS IS PAPER," and, "IT HURTS TO LAND FACE-FIRST ON PAVEMENT." Stalin's choices changed the world. I don't think you'd send him little encouragement platitudes in his tea, now, would you?
The third one--and this is my favorite--said, "HERBAL WISDOM IN A CUP." I don't know what that means. Does one absorb wisdom by drinking tea? Am I supposed to read the dregs when I'm done?
Today sucks. No, nothing tragic has happened. It's the Sneaky Hate Spiral kind of suckage.
I lay wide awake in bed until 2:00 this morning. I thought I'd figured out this whole jolting awake thing: take a melatonin one hour before bed, then another right before turning out the light. It worked for a couple days. Then, last night, back to staring at the ceiling.
The morning started out well. Both kids in very good moods all morning. I got a lot of picking up done. It's a beautiful day, and I have all the blinds open. All this light is one of the best things about this house.
And then, naptime. I put Grace down an hour and a half ago. She's still awake. I've gone in there twice. The second time, she was hot and sweaty. She's had a runny nose all day. Ooooh boy. I gave her some ibuprofen and put her back to bed. If she's sick, she needs to sleep. I'll get her up for good if she's still awake in half an hour.
Emmy's mood went from cheery to SCOWL! in about three second around 1:30. She's been sneezing for two days. I gave her some Tylenol before bed, and I'm hoping she sleeps, too.
Poor kids. I must admit, I'm more worried about me right now. Grace's long bout with sleeplessness gave me this panic response to any kind of bad napping or waking in the middle of the night, even if it's just for one day. If either child cries once in her sleep just once during the night, my heart plummets to my knees, and I can't fall asleep again for the next hour. It's ridiculous. Somehow getting up all the time with a newborn is so much different from going back to it once the kid has been sleeping well for a while.
Oooh... silence!
Please please please stay asleep.
I hope I didn't just jinx it.
The second one said, "YOUR CHOICES WILL CHANGE THE WORLD." Is that supposed to make me feel fuzzy inside? Everyone's choices change the world. I want to see tea bags that say, "BIRDS SIT IN TREES," and, "THIS IS PAPER," and, "IT HURTS TO LAND FACE-FIRST ON PAVEMENT." Stalin's choices changed the world. I don't think you'd send him little encouragement platitudes in his tea, now, would you?
The third one--and this is my favorite--said, "HERBAL WISDOM IN A CUP." I don't know what that means. Does one absorb wisdom by drinking tea? Am I supposed to read the dregs when I'm done?
Today sucks. No, nothing tragic has happened. It's the Sneaky Hate Spiral kind of suckage.
I lay wide awake in bed until 2:00 this morning. I thought I'd figured out this whole jolting awake thing: take a melatonin one hour before bed, then another right before turning out the light. It worked for a couple days. Then, last night, back to staring at the ceiling.
The morning started out well. Both kids in very good moods all morning. I got a lot of picking up done. It's a beautiful day, and I have all the blinds open. All this light is one of the best things about this house.
And then, naptime. I put Grace down an hour and a half ago. She's still awake. I've gone in there twice. The second time, she was hot and sweaty. She's had a runny nose all day. Ooooh boy. I gave her some ibuprofen and put her back to bed. If she's sick, she needs to sleep. I'll get her up for good if she's still awake in half an hour.
Emmy's mood went from cheery to SCOWL! in about three second around 1:30. She's been sneezing for two days. I gave her some Tylenol before bed, and I'm hoping she sleeps, too.
Poor kids. I must admit, I'm more worried about me right now. Grace's long bout with sleeplessness gave me this panic response to any kind of bad napping or waking in the middle of the night, even if it's just for one day. If either child cries once in her sleep just once during the night, my heart plummets to my knees, and I can't fall asleep again for the next hour. It's ridiculous. Somehow getting up all the time with a newborn is so much different from going back to it once the kid has been sleeping well for a while.
Oooh... silence!
Please please please stay asleep.
I hope I didn't just jinx it.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Broken record
I have been informed that the some of you (or, actually, just one of you) is not content with my diary as of late. You know, with the falling off the face of the earth and all.
Three words: new nap schedule. Also, child not sleeping. And, tired all the time. (Yes, that last one was four words. Shut it.)
Seriously, any entry written on here over the last month would go something like this, "WHINE WHINE WHINE TIRED WHINE WHINE WHINE NOT SLEEPING WHINE WHINE WHINE." So I've refrained.
I mean, there are aspects to my life other than child-rearing, of course, but when I'm this tired all the time, I can't remember anything beyond what happened in the last five minutes. It's really pathetic.
And I'm sitting here staring at my computer, sure that I'll come up with something clever to write about, and I just can't. Agh. The good news is that The Child seems to be slowly inching her way back toward normalcy. I am thinking, though, that this new nap schedule was a bad idea. No morning nap, and then a three-hour afternoon nap. Except those three hours are two hours, no matter how tired she is, and it is making me foam at the mouth. The first two days were great. Crappy morning followed by three hours of silence, followed by good afternoon and evening. Not so much now. Feh. But at least now she's sleeping until 6:30 or better, which is definitely an improvement from what she was doing, which was waking up and screeching like a Nazgûl anywhere from 2:30 to 5:30 in the morning, and then taking an hour to get back to sleep. That was tons of fun.
So I'll be back shortly. Today has been much better. I am optimistic about the future. Yesterday I was not. Yesterday I was pretty sure that having two of these things hanging off me at all hours was going to kill me. Now I think I may make it, possibly with the assistance of drugs, but I may make it. Yay!
Three words: new nap schedule. Also, child not sleeping. And, tired all the time. (Yes, that last one was four words. Shut it.)
Seriously, any entry written on here over the last month would go something like this, "WHINE WHINE WHINE TIRED WHINE WHINE WHINE NOT SLEEPING WHINE WHINE WHINE." So I've refrained.
I mean, there are aspects to my life other than child-rearing, of course, but when I'm this tired all the time, I can't remember anything beyond what happened in the last five minutes. It's really pathetic.
And I'm sitting here staring at my computer, sure that I'll come up with something clever to write about, and I just can't. Agh. The good news is that The Child seems to be slowly inching her way back toward normalcy. I am thinking, though, that this new nap schedule was a bad idea. No morning nap, and then a three-hour afternoon nap. Except those three hours are two hours, no matter how tired she is, and it is making me foam at the mouth. The first two days were great. Crappy morning followed by three hours of silence, followed by good afternoon and evening. Not so much now. Feh. But at least now she's sleeping until 6:30 or better, which is definitely an improvement from what she was doing, which was waking up and screeching like a Nazgûl anywhere from 2:30 to 5:30 in the morning, and then taking an hour to get back to sleep. That was tons of fun.
So I'll be back shortly. Today has been much better. I am optimistic about the future. Yesterday I was not. Yesterday I was pretty sure that having two of these things hanging off me at all hours was going to kill me. Now I think I may make it, possibly with the assistance of drugs, but I may make it. Yay!
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