By this point, you should all know that I don't handle sleep deprivation well. I don't usually get quite enough sleep, but I'm pretty functional and fairly happy so long as I get 6 and a half hours or more.
Well.
These last, oh, two weeks have been a spiraling maelstrom of suck.
Emmy is sick. Again. She coughs at night. She cries in her sleep. She has dirty diapers (these must get changed pronto, or she's bleeding by morning, even with the Vaseline slathered on like icing).
So there was that. For a bit.
Then on Thursday they both went on a nap strike, which was super fun. I wanted to gouge my ears out because I was also trying to get the apartment ready for friends to come over.
And then! The best part! Yesterday afternoon Grace refused to nap. She SCREAMED. For two hours. I did not know what to do--give in, let Emmy sleep, and send Grace the message loud and clear that she could get out of naptime just by screaming? Let her scream and traumatize an already sick Emmy?
So I cried for half an hour in the shower. That was fun.
She pulled the same stunt last night. Jeremy and I could not figure out what was wrong. She wouldn't tell us. I tried "monster spray." I tried telling her that her stuffed animals and blankets would protect her. And just in case she was scared for Emmy, I told her they would protect Emmy, too. I told her EMMY would protect her. I told her God would protect her. Nothing worked. The door shut, she started screaming.
FINALLY! I caught her glancing at a corner of her room, where there was a new shadow. A scary shadow. Even I thought it looked a little ominous. You see, I'd cleared out their changing table, so light shone through the bars in it instead of getting blocked by stacks of clothes. And there, on the wall, was this looming set of black and white teeth. Poor kid.
I fixed the problem, she said, "Shadow's gone!" while pointing at the ceiling, and I patted myself mightily on the back while walking out the door.
SCREEEEEEAAAAAAM.
OHMYGOSH.
At that point, I was ready to throw her through a window. There comes a point where all sympathy withers and turns to dust, and my heart turns more toward the IRE end of the spectrum. I sometimes wonder why I was allowed to have kids. I am very short on empathy in such situations. Especially when I'm running on like four hours of sleep a night for the last week and a half.
So I gave up. I lay down on the floor next to her crib because I couldn't think of anything else to do. And as I lay there, I kept thinking about all those parents who get sucked into these traps, and before they know it, the kid is five, and they still haven't slept in the same bed with their spouse in years (the silver lining is that there are no more children to appease). I know this is stupid, but I'm very fond of trotting out the worst-case scenarios whenever I'm pondering a problem. The adrenaline keeps me young.
Then! A brilliant idea! And folks, I am SO proud of myself for this one because I thought of it ALL ON MY OWN.
Every couple of minutes, I slid a little closer to the door. Soon, I was in their doorway. I sat up so Grace could still see me. Then I started shutting the door a little bit every couple of minutes. Soon, the door was shut. Every five minutes, she'd call out, "Mama?" and I'd say, "I'm right here," and eventually she fell asleep. It took a long time. And she woke up a lot last night (to be fair, once was because her water cup was empty and once was because she had soaked through her diaper). But we did an abbreviated version for naptime today, and she actually slept a little bit. And even though she didn't sleep the full three hours, she did remain happy and calm in there. And tonight, I shut the door from the start and told her I would be right on the other side. Not a peep. I'm still sitting right outside her door, just to be sure, but I think she may be okay.
I still expect to wake up a lot tonight, but hopefully it will get better over time.
My MIL comes for another visit this evening. The apartment is a total mess. One of the bathrooms hasn't been cleaned in a week, and the living room is covered in toys. It's depressing. But I'm stuck outside this stupid bedroom door, just to be completely sure she's okay in there (because once that screaming starts, it just ruins everything).
I'm so exhausted I can barely see straight. I told Jeremy that if I didn't get enough sleep tonight, we were going to switch. I don't care if he has to work in the morning. I will turn homicidal if this doesn't stop soon.
So, we'll see. Watch the Utah news.
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I am feeling curmudgeonly
I had some tea last night. Big ol' cup. That means three tea bags. The first one said, "THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT." Okay. I mean, I bought a product; I didn't donate, but if it makes you feel good, you can go ahead and think I'm supporting you.
The second one said, "YOUR CHOICES WILL CHANGE THE WORLD." Is that supposed to make me feel fuzzy inside? Everyone's choices change the world. I want to see tea bags that say, "BIRDS SIT IN TREES," and, "THIS IS PAPER," and, "IT HURTS TO LAND FACE-FIRST ON PAVEMENT." Stalin's choices changed the world. I don't think you'd send him little encouragement platitudes in his tea, now, would you?
The third one--and this is my favorite--said, "HERBAL WISDOM IN A CUP." I don't know what that means. Does one absorb wisdom by drinking tea? Am I supposed to read the dregs when I'm done?
Today sucks. No, nothing tragic has happened. It's the Sneaky Hate Spiral kind of suckage.
I lay wide awake in bed until 2:00 this morning. I thought I'd figured out this whole jolting awake thing: take a melatonin one hour before bed, then another right before turning out the light. It worked for a couple days. Then, last night, back to staring at the ceiling.
The morning started out well. Both kids in very good moods all morning. I got a lot of picking up done. It's a beautiful day, and I have all the blinds open. All this light is one of the best things about this house.
And then, naptime. I put Grace down an hour and a half ago. She's still awake. I've gone in there twice. The second time, she was hot and sweaty. She's had a runny nose all day. Ooooh boy. I gave her some ibuprofen and put her back to bed. If she's sick, she needs to sleep. I'll get her up for good if she's still awake in half an hour.
Emmy's mood went from cheery to SCOWL! in about three second around 1:30. She's been sneezing for two days. I gave her some Tylenol before bed, and I'm hoping she sleeps, too.
Poor kids. I must admit, I'm more worried about me right now. Grace's long bout with sleeplessness gave me this panic response to any kind of bad napping or waking in the middle of the night, even if it's just for one day. If either child cries once in her sleep just once during the night, my heart plummets to my knees, and I can't fall asleep again for the next hour. It's ridiculous. Somehow getting up all the time with a newborn is so much different from going back to it once the kid has been sleeping well for a while.
Oooh... silence!
Please please please stay asleep.
I hope I didn't just jinx it.
The second one said, "YOUR CHOICES WILL CHANGE THE WORLD." Is that supposed to make me feel fuzzy inside? Everyone's choices change the world. I want to see tea bags that say, "BIRDS SIT IN TREES," and, "THIS IS PAPER," and, "IT HURTS TO LAND FACE-FIRST ON PAVEMENT." Stalin's choices changed the world. I don't think you'd send him little encouragement platitudes in his tea, now, would you?
The third one--and this is my favorite--said, "HERBAL WISDOM IN A CUP." I don't know what that means. Does one absorb wisdom by drinking tea? Am I supposed to read the dregs when I'm done?
Today sucks. No, nothing tragic has happened. It's the Sneaky Hate Spiral kind of suckage.
I lay wide awake in bed until 2:00 this morning. I thought I'd figured out this whole jolting awake thing: take a melatonin one hour before bed, then another right before turning out the light. It worked for a couple days. Then, last night, back to staring at the ceiling.
The morning started out well. Both kids in very good moods all morning. I got a lot of picking up done. It's a beautiful day, and I have all the blinds open. All this light is one of the best things about this house.
And then, naptime. I put Grace down an hour and a half ago. She's still awake. I've gone in there twice. The second time, she was hot and sweaty. She's had a runny nose all day. Ooooh boy. I gave her some ibuprofen and put her back to bed. If she's sick, she needs to sleep. I'll get her up for good if she's still awake in half an hour.
Emmy's mood went from cheery to SCOWL! in about three second around 1:30. She's been sneezing for two days. I gave her some Tylenol before bed, and I'm hoping she sleeps, too.
Poor kids. I must admit, I'm more worried about me right now. Grace's long bout with sleeplessness gave me this panic response to any kind of bad napping or waking in the middle of the night, even if it's just for one day. If either child cries once in her sleep just once during the night, my heart plummets to my knees, and I can't fall asleep again for the next hour. It's ridiculous. Somehow getting up all the time with a newborn is so much different from going back to it once the kid has been sleeping well for a while.
Oooh... silence!
Please please please stay asleep.
I hope I didn't just jinx it.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Frivolity! I promise!
Thanks for all the notes on the last entry. It helps SO MUCH to know that this is not anything terribly out of the ordinary. Why do all the cool kids have to live so far? I think the closest one of you is in St. Louis. You people are lame.
The Child likes to recite random words these days. I think she's experimenting with sentences, but doesn't quite realize that the words actually have to make sense together in order for it to work. Also, when she's upset, she recites her very favorite words. The more upset she is, and the harder she's trying to calm down, the longer the string of words. A few gems for you:
Hot baby grease!
Hot baby horses run daddies.
Hot titties run! (ahem. that's kitties.)
It seems "hot" is a new favorite.
I need to start writing these down because there were a few today that had me in tears. Going up the stairs behind her at bedtime tonight, she counted the steps. Only it was three counts to each step, and it went like this: "One... six, seven, eight... six, seven, eight..." all the way up. She can get to ten, but she's really, really fond of six, seven and eight. I heard her practicing at the end of her nap the other day. Other times her counting to ten sounds more like, "One, two, three, six, seven, eight, twelve, ten!" I know this is another one of those things that every kid in the world does, but I think it is hilarious.
Emmy went to bed an hour early tonight. She was SO grouchy this evening. It was like having a newborn all over again. A newborn with the lungs of a diva.
I hope this early bedtime does not mean I have to get up at six tomorrow morning.
I am losing my supply. I tried everything: fenugreek, beer, lots of water, extra feedings, tea, everything. The extra feedings are a little difficult anyway, since trying to feed Emmy if she's not hungry just makes her really mad. Things! To! Do! And! See! And pumping only works right away in the morning. Even with my awesome new pump.
I don't really mind that much. I've nursed her for almost seven months, and I still only have to supplement her very last feeding of the night, but for some reason it still makes me a little sad. And formula is expensive. I will have to hit up my friend for some tips on finding deals on formula. Silly me, I gave away all the free stuff we got in the mail, which would have been at least a couple weeks' worth.
As usual, I thought I had more to write about, but now I've forgotten. Earlier tonight, I had something very amusing to tell you people. I was SO AMUSING that I just knew I couldn't forget it. Kind of like my Very Logical Places, right? Will I ever learn?
(UPDATE: There are a few more pictures up on Facebook. They're on my wall. You'll have to scroll down just a little.)
The Child likes to recite random words these days. I think she's experimenting with sentences, but doesn't quite realize that the words actually have to make sense together in order for it to work. Also, when she's upset, she recites her very favorite words. The more upset she is, and the harder she's trying to calm down, the longer the string of words. A few gems for you:
Hot baby grease!
Hot baby horses run daddies.
Hot titties run! (ahem. that's kitties.)
It seems "hot" is a new favorite.
I need to start writing these down because there were a few today that had me in tears. Going up the stairs behind her at bedtime tonight, she counted the steps. Only it was three counts to each step, and it went like this: "One... six, seven, eight... six, seven, eight..." all the way up. She can get to ten, but she's really, really fond of six, seven and eight. I heard her practicing at the end of her nap the other day. Other times her counting to ten sounds more like, "One, two, three, six, seven, eight, twelve, ten!" I know this is another one of those things that every kid in the world does, but I think it is hilarious.
Emmy went to bed an hour early tonight. She was SO grouchy this evening. It was like having a newborn all over again. A newborn with the lungs of a diva.
I hope this early bedtime does not mean I have to get up at six tomorrow morning.
I am losing my supply. I tried everything: fenugreek, beer, lots of water, extra feedings, tea, everything. The extra feedings are a little difficult anyway, since trying to feed Emmy if she's not hungry just makes her really mad. Things! To! Do! And! See! And pumping only works right away in the morning. Even with my awesome new pump.
I don't really mind that much. I've nursed her for almost seven months, and I still only have to supplement her very last feeding of the night, but for some reason it still makes me a little sad. And formula is expensive. I will have to hit up my friend for some tips on finding deals on formula. Silly me, I gave away all the free stuff we got in the mail, which would have been at least a couple weeks' worth.
As usual, I thought I had more to write about, but now I've forgotten. Earlier tonight, I had something very amusing to tell you people. I was SO AMUSING that I just knew I couldn't forget it. Kind of like my Very Logical Places, right? Will I ever learn?
(UPDATE: There are a few more pictures up on Facebook. They're on my wall. You'll have to scroll down just a little.)
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