Saturday, November 10, 2012

I have The Wonderful Wizard of Ha's memorized

Before I had kids, I thought it was totally stupid how people whined about being sick with kids. Being sick is awesome! You sit around watching shows all day, no guilt! The kids will watch their own shows or play all day! Just like when I was a kid! It'll be great!

Except that my memories of illness only went back to age six or so. Children under age five have no mercy or empathy. They can't get their own food. They need their butts wiped. They start shrieking if you duct tape them to the wall for too long. It's really miserable.

One of us brought something horrible home from somewhere. Probably Grace, from that germ-ridden spawning pool known as preschool. It's like the worst cold ever, with steroids. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm dying.

The one good thing lately is that I don't have to change any diapers anymore, which is practically the best thing that has happened to us since Emmy was born. Yes, about five seconds after I published my last entry, our little tyrant decided to shape up. Of course. No more diaper changes, no more washing diapers, no more folding diapers, no more stinky Diaper Genie. It's less work and more money AT THE SAME TIME.

I would still rather eat a scorpion than potty train another child, though. Seriously. If there is ever a next time, I will pay a thousand dollars to not have to potty train again.

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