Thursday, August 30, 2012


I have been STUCK at 150 for months now. MONTHS. I always say I don't get hung up on the numbers, especially when I can see by the gaps in my pants that I'm getting leaner (I am now wearing the belt I had before I was pregnant with Grace, the belt I wore when I was 140/145). But that number, oh, it was beginning to taunt me. So I made myself a strict rule: no snacking WHATSOEVER after dinner. Sometimes we eat pretty early, so that's kind of hard for me. But I did it for four days, and what do you know? 149.

I will probably go back to light snacking after dinner because I have a tendency to get hangry. I go from me to slavering wolverine in about five minutes. It's quite the metamorphosis.

Or, thanks to the Ambien, I sometimes find myself in the dark kitchen in the middle of the night chowing down on some cheese or an apple. It's very disconcerting. Actually, I did that pre-Ambien, too (mostly in college, for whatever reason), just not as frequently.

And now all of you have this terribly attractive image of a Naomi Wolverine tearing through a refrigerator. You're welcome.

My children have been very fragile lately. Grace especially. Everything makes her cry. It's like a preview of Life with Teenage Girls. "Whoops, I forgot my library card, guys; we'll come back later." WAAAAAH! "Oops, you got a tiny drop of water on your shirt." WAAAAAH! "Hey guys, it's time to go to the gym. Have fun!" WAAAAAH! "Hi babies, did you have fun at the gym? It's time go home!" WAAAAAH!

Seriously. I don't know what to do with this child. Do I hug her all day to make her feel more secure? Do I walk away every time she pulls this so she knows it's not okay to wail instead of using words? Do I make her sleep on a bed of raw steak and nails to make her tougher?

This child has been verbal since, like ten months (yeah, I know the age gets shorter every time I talk about it). She has been able to express herself with ease for at least a year. So why am I shouting "USE YOUR WORDS OH MY GOSH PLEASE JUST USE WORDS I CAN'T HANDLE THAT SOUND YOU'RE MAKING WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT!" at least ten times a day?

And yes, smart alecks, I know that shouting at your kids teaches them the OPPOSITE ("CALM DOWN! WHY WILL YOU NOT CALM DOWN! STOP SHRIEKING!"), but sometimes the wolverine just busts through.

It's not always like this. Grace, out of nowhere this morning, as I'm bumbling around the kitchen in my half-alive state, trying to make us breakfast: "Mommy, I love you SO MUCH." Emmy, while yanking my hair out by the roots at bedtime: "I like your pretty red hair!"

Those moments are very sustaining, but I'm looking forward to having my children back any day now. They will come back, right? This has been a very long low phase for them, and I'm kind of sick of it.

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