Friday, February 6, 2009

St. Google

I think there's something wrong with me. I've spent the last four days Getting Things Done. All the floors are scrubbed (by hand! no mop!), the bathrooms are clean, the dishes are clean, the laundry basket is not full, and there are no clean clothes waiting to be folded or put away. Also, I have made a large batch of chicken, a large batch of rice, and a large batch of chili. I plan to freeze the chili. This is a lot of chili. More like Chile. HAR.

I got this survey in the mail. I'm one of those dorks who love surveys. Anyway, before giving away personal information to any random person who send me an official-y paper thingy with a stamp and/or seal and neat little boxes to fill in, I'm going to ask the Internet if it's legit. Because the Internet knows everything. And Google is the conduit.

So I Googled "national opinion network infant division survey", and I found a forum that mentions it. When I first started reading, it was all NO BAD EVIL, so I thought, Okay, I won't be sending that back because next thing you know they'll have the password to our enormous bank account.

But then I kept reading. The reason this survey is evil is that it's sent out by The Formula People. As in, The Not-Breastfeeding People. I'm obviously all about breastfeeding, or I wouldn't do it (it's not exactly something you do for fun and giggles, unless you're a total dopamine junkie and like to be stuck to your child and immobile for a third of your waking hours). But these people were acting like formula was the food of Satan. Here are some direct quotes:

(from someone who works in the hospital and has people asking her if the Nestlé people are handing out free candy): "And I just want to yell, 'NO! They are evil! Look away Look away! Quick before they stick a bottle in your mouth!'"

"I also wrote 'breastfed is bestfed' on every page in Sharpie marker."

"...and then I wrote, 'formula is poison' in the margins of all of the pages..."

Because you know all those formula fed babies out there are about to drop dead from all that flesh-eating acid they're ingesting. They might look healthy, but just you wait. That forum actually made me want to fill out the survey even more. We got all kinds of formula in the mail and free offers and coupons and blah blah blah but I don't remember anyone actually walking up to Grace and shoving a bottle into her face. I might be wrong. The Awesome Drugs of Awesomeness did make me a little fuzzy after the fact.

I took a 45-minute walk today, over two miles. It was 40 degrees and sunny. Aaaand now my back, butt and legs all hurt. It felt so good to get outside and not spend the entire time suffering. The last walk I went on was half that length, and it was approximately 50 below, and I think I almost died. Oh, Wisconsin. I love to hate you.

A couple night ago, I was drifting off to sleep, and my mind was kind of wandering around aimlessly. I was thinking about warm weather and how much easier life with a baby will be once we don't need three blankets, a snow suit and a car seat cover just to walk around the block. And then I was thinking about how warm weather brings spiders and centipedes and how The Child will probably start bringing me living gifts, and how she might even like playing in our Basement of Evil, and I pictured her coming up to me with spiders and centipedes in her hands and a couple in her hair, and I jolted awake. It took me a long time to fall asleep.

And now that I've relived that terror, I'm probably not sleeping tonight, either. Awesome.

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