Friday, November 19, 2010

November is a terrible month for gratitude

Whoa, whoa, whoa, folks! My self-esteem is way more than okay. In fact, it's gone right past "healthy" and into "bloated" and "overfed." I have my insecurities, but thinking I'm ugly isn't one of them. I certainly hate a few of my features (chin wattle! chipmunk cheeks! beady eyes!), but on the whole I find myself to be rather attractive.

Sometimes, to cheer myself up, I gaze into the mirror for an hour or better.

(that was a joke)

I got to drag both children to the pediatrician's office yesterday. That was so many different kinds of fun.

It started off well enough. I put Emmy in the Ergo and Grace in the little umbrella stroller. The second the nurse took us back to a room, it all started falling apart. The nurse deigned to LOOK AT and SPEAK to Grace. Grace dissolved into tears.

With a naked Emmy in my arms, there wasn't much I could do. She followed me dejectedly when we walked across the hall to the scale, screaming the whole way. That scale wasn't working, so we got to walk all the way to the other end of the office, Emmy trying to climb my body to eat my hair and Grace trying to climb my body because of the baby-eating nurse.

At least a screaming toddler isn't unexpected at a pediatrician's office.

The problem with an extremely shy child is that the only way to get her to improve is to subject other people to this behavior. Taking her places is exhausting. I'm constantly worrying about how I'll deal with one very mobile yet untrained baby and one very frightened and vocal toddler--all without making everyone else want to pelt me with rotting vegetables.

She does fine much of the time--maybe even most, now. But there's no way to predict a bad day. You don't know it's there until you're in it, and your friends are being nice about it, but you can't help but think they wish you could just get control over that kid.

I'm a little burned out. The kids haven't been particularly difficult lately. I'm just so tired of the sameness.

I can't wait to be out of here. We move December 30th, but our lease doesn't start until January 7th. The next month is going to be long and dreary.

Don't worry. Today is mostly just a meh day. Crappy weather (oh, November, the last thing I want to do is feel thankful for things), and Emmy won't nap. She started making noise about halfway through this entry, and today is one of those days where I've been clinging to the idea of kids' naptime with all of my energy. I'll feel better tomorrow.

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