Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I'm being fired

Incredibly Cute Neglected Little Baby seeks Parents Who Care
Enjoys eating, eating, eating and chewing, chewing, chewing.
Boobs also important.
Playtime between 2:30am and 5:30am very important; I do punish
negligence by screaming until I gag.
Recreational screaming (not to be confused with upset screaming,
though they sound the same, which is why PWC must gaze at me
adoringly 24/7) is new favorite activity, as eardrums are optional.
PWC must be telepathic and have arms and backs of steel, as I require
much attention and alternate periods of carrying, rolling on floor, and
frequent changes of scenery and toys.
PWC must enjoy +5 Fingernails of Sharpness in soft, sensitive flesh.
Strangers strictly forbidden, even if they go by "Grandma" or "Grandpa".
PWC must provide strings, tags, power cords, remote controls, and
kitty cats who love to be chewed on.

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