A photo. Or two.

My eyebrows aren't as plucked as they look in this picture. They're really not a weird pencil-thin line. And I'm not pissed off.



No left arm! Or disembodied left hand! (My upper left arm was doing very unflattering things, and I am vain.)



If these pictures took in my full height, you'd see how weirdly rotund I've gotten. Not in a grotesque way. It's just very disproportionate. I've actually slimmed down in many places, and all 35 pounds I've gained have gone straight to the front of my belly. It was a lot cuter before it finally started to droop under its own weight.


A lady rolled up behind me at the grocery store a few nights ago. Out of nowhere: "YOU MUST HAVE FIVE BABIES IN THERE!" Lucky for her, this is not a sensitive subject for me (I'm growing a child! I'm supposed to be huge! It's totally normal! And feminine!). I thought it was hilarious. But really. You don't go around saying that to random women.