Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I should be studying for Italian...

...which means I'm going to blather on and on and on in this entry until I can't possibly blather any more. And then I'll just type letters at random until my fingers fall off. Then, possibly, I'll study. Who knows.

A few things:

First, a lady customer at work yesterday asked me to come work for her at the place she manages. She was there with her husband and son. She said, "If you want to make a few extra bucks on the side, why don't you come work here?" and she handed me her business card. I had no idea that she was about to hand me a card for T_______ Gentleman's Club, across which she'd written, "Dancers Wanted". I didn't know whether to be flattered that she thought I COULD be a stripper or horrifically offended that she thought I WOULD be a stripper. Is it my fabulous ghetto booty that swings and sways, making people think I walk like a stripper on purpose? I don't know. I opted for an awkward, "Oh! Thanks..." and lamely walking away, my entire head as pink as a diaper rash. I think even my hair turned pink.

Second, people aren't tipping lately. I don't know what it is. I got two outstanding tips tonight, otherwise I would have come home with less than $20, which is about $5 an hour. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for every little bit. But $5/hour doesn't pay the bills. People think I'm greedy when I get all disappointed about crummy tips, but really I'm just frantically assessing our budget for the month and wondering how long we can subsist on our own toenails. They're high in protein, but rather lacking in essential vitamins and minerals.

Third, WEIRD people at work lately. See how I capitalized "WEIRD". That means extra-weird. That means, "Wow, you really skeeve me out" weird. In particular, there's this one guy who I first saw come to eat at my restaurant a week ago. He wasn't sitting in my section, but every time I walked by he would look at me. A lot. About the third time I walked by and--heaven forbid--wasn't smiling for once, so he stopped me and said, "Smile!" I said, "Um, okay," and walked away because I'm socially awkward.

Today he purposely sat in my section, and more of the pro-smiling inspirational speeches. "You have such a beautiful face, you need to smile more," he says to me probably five times (or some variation on the theme). People, if you knew how much I smile already you would know just how whacked this guy is. I'm obnoxiously smiley. I'm the kind of smiley that would cause a lesser woman's face to slide right off her skull. But he gave me a generous tip, so I didn't care too much.

I just hope he doesn't think generous tipping buys him a date. Some guys are like that. A guy once actually got angry at me. He kept throwing one-dollar bills on the table, one after another, each time saying, "Now will you?" and when he ran out of ones got so upset he just stomped out and left all the money there, like he was my sugar daddy and I was some ungrateful trick.

Hello? The more money you throw at me, the more unstable you seem. I wasn't married at the time, or I may have had a good excuse. He just wasn't willing to accept that I wouldn't go out on a date with a complete stranger.

What happened to that guy I had last week? Huh? He needs to come back and bring his kids. I would offer free babysitting to that man.

Instead I get crazy people, like Potato Man and Mr. Smiley. I know I've said in the past that I love the crazy, that it's highly entertaining, but it seems like lately there's been a little too much. Like maybe the crazy people are magically drawn to me, and I don't even want to speculate as to what it is about me that attracts them. Maybe I have crazy-attracting pheromones.

I know I have one more thing to talk about, but I can't think of it. I'm going to be up until very late tonight because I took a three-hour nap this afternoon. I came home from class in some kind of stupor and flung myself upon the bed, where I dreamt bizarre dreams and hallucinated all sorts of crazy things. It's amazing how much fun I can have without ever doing 'shrooms.

Now, I must go study Italian. Not much to learn, but I do need to know the vocab (which I don't), and I need to finish my workbook assignments. I always save the most boring, tedious ones for last, and that's probably really dumb. Okay, goodnight.

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